I love my life, but I’m not sure I like loving it. When I think about going for anything more than that I look at my life, and who I am, and I’m too far gone. I’m broken. Settling down is a challenge. It’s the biggest challenge of my life.
I tried to deleting one of contacts in my phone but then thing popped up on my phone that said, “are you sure?” And I wasn’s sure. I can’t lie to my phone. It’s not that easy, okay? You’re not just deleting a number, you’re deleting a part of your life. You know, all those memories, all those experiences. It’s like you’re admitting they’re gone forever. I thought I deleted her number, I did, but it turns out, I memorized it. You can’t delete contacts from your brain. I am never going to have closure, okay? Closure doesn’t exist. It just…ended. And no matter how much I try to forget that it happened, it will have never not happened. She and I will always be a loose end. We’ll always be unfinished. Usually, it isn’t a speeding bus that keeps the brown, pointy, weird church from getting built. Most of the time, it’s just too difficult, or too expensive, or too scary. It’s only once you’ve stopped that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it. But it’s always there. And until you finish it, it will always be. But um, I finally got some closure. Finished with that.
Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett - Way Back Into Love
